"My bag, my bag, my bag is on the bus!" Boss's face of horror as he watched his world being driven away on the bus we'd arrived on is my opening memory of my second vist to Phuket!
Rich, Bert and me had got off the bus when we thought the driver said "Phuket" ... As it happens the side of the road wasn't our stop, whoopsy, we'd been on the transfer bus for hours and wanted off "the driver stops every 2 minutes to let people on, what's he playing at?".
Panic set in as we hailed a taxi to "follow that bus" (like they do in the movies), we reassured Boss "it'll be fine, promise" and tried not to laugh/ prayed it really would be fine ("drive faster drive" and "step on it" didn't work like it does in the movies!).
Relieved to report we caught the bus at Phuket station (the real stop) and Bossy got his bag back. Hurray!! All was good again.
We headed straight to Patong, the dirty (oh so dirty!!!) hub of Phuket. We found Patong expensive compared to other places we'd been. It was rammed busy because of Chinese New Year celebrations but we found a place in the end and hit the beach.
Here's a little list of what went down in Phuket;
- We saw a deaf drunk Thai guy punch another Thai guy's glasses clean off his face on the beach then a fight broke out.
The deaf drunk thought it was fine to pull a machete out on the other guy and try to chop him in half on the beach in front of everyone, great scenes !!
The fight stopped when the other guy fly kicked the drunk (Bruce Lee style) in the face and knocked him out. "Can we not sit by the murders tomorrow please?"
- Rich, Boss and me hired bikes to go and check out the Big Buddha, got lost on route on a 'private beach' then tried to leave to carry on driving to the Buddha ..
To my shame our scooter failed to get up the hill on the way out, I had to get off and walk up it "no more baked beans for breakfast for me!!", smooth Lar, smooth - you look great today! Ha ha
- Rich and me got blessed in happiness, health and good luck by a monk at the Big Buddha. Then the three of us watched the sun go down on Phuket from the highest point on the island, it was so peaceful and beautiful "I feel so at ease with life"
- My mystery illness (yawn!!) which had started days ago in Koh Phangan hit me hard the first two nights - day time I was ok, what's all that about?!!
I had to stay in with a fever, sweating it out, feeling weak and hating my body. FaceTime'd my family when I was in the depths of despair "Lar, this sounds serious, come home" "No way mum, I'd rather be dying out here than back home being healthy".
- By day 3 I was fine (thank god for us all, being ill is shit, it's boring talking about it and even writing about it now annoys me, ha) so we hit the town as the awesome foursome "let's see what it's all about then.."
- We saw so many things that night in Phuket my eyes nearly popped out. It was dirty, filthy, sex crazed, wrong - I loved it!! Madness on the Patong strip was one of the best nights I've had traveling.
.. Rich and me beat a Thai lady at Connect 4 (basically achieving the impossible)
.. We saw men and men and men and more men of all shapes, ages and sizes with Thai 'brides' (girls for the night, whateverrrrr). The men walked around like Kings, the girls looked like they'd zoned out of whatever the men said or did.
It's all about sex for the men and money for the girls ... "Did that guy get dressed in the dark?" "Who seriously thinks it's acceptable to leave the house like that?" "Swear half these guys are English"
.. Seeing young guys going off with Lady Boys without realising they are not "girls" is hilarious "would love to know what happens to those two later" "that Lady Boy is huge, good luck mate!"
.. We spent most of our night in Suzy Wongs, one of the funniest places I've ever been, ever !! Everywhere we looked men were doing things they shouldn't to Thai girls (no Lady Boys in this place). One man asked if I was one of the boys girlfriend, pretty sure he wanted to swing with us, it was so funny "nah sorry mate, we're busy".
I nearly broke myself in half laughing in there, half of me wanted to get on the stage and swing on the poles with the girls but I didn't, I was good, ha.
- On our last day on the beach we saw a lady try parasailing, but she face planted and got dragged along by the boat instead, ouchy ;) "embarrassing, bless her, stop laughing, she'll see you!"
- A guy in our place crashed his hired jet ski into a speedboat and ended up having to pay around £5,000 UK pounds to get the owners off his back "two of them waited outside for me all night incase I tried to do a runner"
All in all Phuket was a blast but it was bitter-sweet, we all knew Rich was leaving for Australia from here so we made sure it was as much fun as it could be but the last night together we were all "don't go" "stay with us" "don't do it Rich" "Awoooo for life"
Rich left and the Wolf Pack broke, we'd lost of leader of the pack!! :( For the first time in forever I was not happy!! I had to make a plan and I had to make it quick ... "Let's go to Phi Phi ..."
Phi Phi it was, sucker for a mad time, it seemed only right to head back with Bert and Boss ..